Movie review

The Rise of Skywalker, The Fall of Abrams

Meh. (Minor spoilerettes ahead.) Much like The Force Awakens, as a movie, and even as a Star Wars movie, it’s hard to find fault with how Skywalker rises. Granted, J.J. Abrams seems terrified of showing any emotion, judging by the way he cuts off any meaningful exchange before it finds too much depth. And–again like […]

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War for the Planet of the Apes: A Technically Perfect Monstrosity

I can count on the fingers of one hand the times I’ve walked out of a movie theater halfway through a movie. My attempt at watching “War for the Planet of the Apes” is the third such occasion. And to think I had such high hopes! I can only conclude that everyone who rated the […]

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Rogue One – Definitely A Star Wars Story ****

This review could actually be quite short. The subtitle to the movie says it all: it’s a Star Wars story. So Star Wars fans (which group probably includes all of humanity save some undiscovered tribes deep in the Amazon basin) should go see it. Nuff said. But in the unlikely event you’re here to learn […]

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“The Force Awakens”: Excellent and Mediocre – Simultaneously

SPOILER ALERT! IN CASE YOU WERE STILL UNCLEAR ON THIS POINT: YES, THIS REVIEW IS RIFE WITH SPOILERS. THE FIRST SENTENCE IS A SPOILER IN ITSELF. IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE MOVIE YET, STOP READING RIGHT NOW (AND COME BACK AFTER YOU HAVE). “I’m being torn apart. I want to be rid of this pain.” […]

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Movie Poster Read Rage

Anyone notice the fundamental difference between these two movie posters? I’m not talking different actors, different directors (though going by their initials, they both shot a bunch of B.S.), different decades, different millennia even. I mean something even more fundamental, something that goes to the heart of what a movie poster is, or should be, […]

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Planet of the Apes

Pacifists, don’t ever again tell me that man invented war. Last night, in the Jungles episode of BBC’s Planet Earth series*, my wife and I watched in growing horror as a giant group of chimpanzees sent out an invasion army to occupy their neighbors’ bit of jungle, which happened to contain some fig trees the […]

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Movie Review: Babel

Only once before in my life have I left the theatre halfway through a movie. The first time was because ‘The man in the iron mask’ was so embarrassingly bad; with ‘Babel’, I left an hour into the movie because it was making me feel nauseous and my fiancée depressed. So take into account that […]

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Movie Review: The Hitch-Hiker’s Guide To The Galaxy

Not quite. That’s about all I can usefully say about the cinematographic version of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. The cast are all but one not quite well-cast for their respective parts, and deliver their lines not quite convincingly. The acting is not quite good enough, the directing not quite bold and daring. The […]

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Movie Review: Thir13en Ghosts

Oh well. On the upside, it wasted only 83 minutes of my life. And the effects were fairly successful. And Shannon Elizabeth gets to look pretty and stupid, and how well does she do it! Otherwise a waste of celluloid, where every possible cliché is pulled out of an ancient hat of horror; where a […]

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Movie Review: Open Range

Now based on factual information, experience and calculation of the odds, I have to go by the assumption that everyone who raved about this movie in the media, to me personally, as well as online, saw the same movie I just did. I’ll just have to shelve my confusion and give you my minority report. […]

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