Attempted Logistics – The Continuing Ineptness of I-Parcel – How I-Parcel Managed To See The Future (Or Lie) – The End Of the I-Parcel Affair – The Saga of UPS and i-Parcel Continues – Customer Service Done Properly Sadly, the Case of the Misplaced Parcel has petered out without a satisfying conclusion one way or the…

Read More »

Free book! Circumstances put me in possession of three extra author copies of Spark: A Creative Anthology, Vol.VIII, published by EG&J Press. Themed Monsters and Marvels and edited by Brian James Lewis, this anthology contains wonderful stories by Bo Balder, Michael Haynes, Alexis A. Hunter, Beth Cato, Marina J. Lostetter, and Tom Crosshill, among 29 others….

Read More »

Attempted Logistics – The Continuing Ineptness of I-Parcel – How I-Parcel Managed To See The Future (Or Lie) – The End Of the I-Parcel Affair – The Saga of UPS and i-Parcel Continues – Customer Service Done Properly This is just too easy. With some suppliers, I actually need to put in an effort to blog…

Read More »

Attempted Logistics – The Continuing Ineptness of I-Parcel – How I-Parcel Managed To See The Future (Or Lie) – The End Of the I-Parcel Affair – The Saga of UPS and i-Parcel Continues – Customer Service Done Properly UPS daughter I-Parcel seems to have taken ineptness to a whole new level. Six weeks after shipping, the…

Read More »

Attempted Logistics – The Continuing Ineptness of I-Parcel – How I-Parcel Managed To See The Future (Or Lie) – The End Of the I-Parcel Affair – The Saga of UPS and i-Parcel Continues – Customer Service Done Properly I am not making this up*. On Feb 1st, my wonderful publisher EG&J Press shipped me a box…

Read More »

My short science fiction story Diamond Sharks is now available from Moozvine, in all current e-book formats as well as online. And the e-book versions come with the gorgeous cover art by Gil Rodrigo! Get it now, it’s free (except any amount you may feel inclined to give to support both Moozvine and this struggling…

Read More »

Starting today, I’m selling e-books of my short stories, with a revolutionary new twist: a personalized autograph, if you want one. It’s simple, really: order the e-book, select one of the autographed options (epub or mobi), complete your order, and let me know what kind of personalization you want. I’ll send you the file, with…

Read More »

At the last Meet My Book event (The American Book Center Amsterdam, 19 October 2014), I read my just-published story A Cold Welcome (Penumbra, October 2014), and launched my short story collection Mashup. This year, I’m appearing at the Meet My Book event at ABC The Hague (Sunday, Feb 22, 15:00), where I will read bits and…

Read More »

Re: Email from Floris Kleijne via i-parcel.com - UPS i-parcel

 

Dear Emily, Andros, Bryan, Carlos, Gaudi, Jair, Jhon, Julio, Melissa, Soledad, Ulises, Taylor, Stephanie and whoever else is listening in on the party line,

 

Thanks, I suppose, for your stubborn willingness to keep providing me with answers, however meaningless, useless, and frequently untrue.

 

Of all the things I could choose to say to this latest I-Parcel communiqué, I select the two below. But before I get into the details, let me provide you with this preamble:

PLEASE READ WHAT I WRITE AND RESPOND TO THE THINGS I ACTUALLY SAY TO YOU. (Yes, I am shouting. You never know, perhaps that will get me heard.)

 

One: I have told you on many occasions now that the package we’ve been so pleasantly discussing came from EG&J Press, not from Amazon. (Unless, as I’ve previously suggested, you know more about it than I do. In which case, as I have also previously said on several occasions, I invite you to enlighten me.) And as I’ve also told you several times, the shipment contains author copies, for which no refund is in order. Canned responses like yours, that have no relevance to the issue under discussion, infuriate me to no end.

 

Two: You have lied to me about the causes for the failed delivery at least twice. Now you’re either lying to me again, or you have previously lied to me at least four more times. You just told me in your latest message that my package was returned on 3/10. However, I was told by your tracking page on 2/14, and in three previous messages on 2/21, 3/1, and 3/8, that my package had already been returned.

 

So either you are all prescient, or it’s a lie that the package was returned on 3/10, or the previous statements about the returned package were all lies. And guess what: I don’t believe in prescience.

 

Now, all that said, I kindly request you to please connect me to someone who has the authority and wherewithal to provide me with honest and accurate answers. These answers will unfortunately need to include a full listing of the various lies and inaccuracies in previous correspondence, and an admission of both guilt and ineptness.

 

In the meantime, I will continue to regale my readers with new episodes in this growing catalogue of lies and Kafkaesque absurdities, and I will only cease to do so after this matter has been resolved to my satisfaction. (And here’s a hint: my satisfaction can by now only be achieved through humble apologies, expressed in more than just words.)

 

Have a nice day.

Floris Kleijne

×